365give is dedicated to a little boy I never met but will always love.

Have you ever had something happen in your life that brought you to your knees in sadness. Maybe it was the love of your life (or you thought it was the love of your life), maybe an addiction, a loss of a loved one – I think all of us have had this happen at least once in our lives. At the time you are sure you will never feel happy again.

It’s happened to me a few times. I think they call it hitting the bottom of the barrel.  Once I am through the immediate tears and the “feeling sorry for myself” mode, I stand back and see what I have learned. (this doesn’t happen immediately it sometimes takes months) How can I be a better person on the other side of this? What has this taught me about myself?

This past January I had one of those moments. I am an adoptive mother and have a wonderful little boy who is almost three. This past winter, through a number of unusual circumstances or what I like to call miracles, we were to bring our second child home. A dream come true. A little boy just 5 weeks old.  We only had a few days to prepare but as we had been through this before with our first child and we knew the routine. In no time at all the cradle was in place beside or bed, the coming home outfit was chosen, diaper bag packed – we had even told our son he was to be a big brother. In 24 hours we were to meet our second son and bring him home. Another miracle.

Sadly, this miracle didn’t happen.  At the last minute the birth mother changed her mind and she was not able to give up her son. The adoption process was stopped immediately. My heart broke instantly. As much as I understood and respected the birth mothers decision, I felt like this little baby boy we were already calling our son, had died. It is an adoptive parent’s version of a miscarriage. My husband and I took turns crying for days.

We did survive, we worked through our grief and now I thank this little boy I never met but deeply loved, for bringing me to my knees. He made me take a “time out” of my life for a few weeks. I still had to work and I still had to take care of our son, but I took some time to really look at what was important to me. What my what really important to me on my life and how I wanted to pursue my dreams. We all have dreams but do we have the courage, the time, the energy or the will to chase after them.

I wear many different hats in my life and I love all of them. My first passion is being a mother. I love being a Mom. My children (one day I know we will have at least one more) are my world. They make you laugh, they make you cry, the drive you crazy and bring more love to your life than you ever thought one human being could bring to another. I am also a wife, business owner, sister, daughter – the list goes on. But my mission – the thing that makes me tick – is helping other people, helping our planet. I do this for my children, to teach them to make the world a better place for them. I try to see the opportunities and just do it – just help in whatever way I can.

I realized in my sadness after the loss of this beautiful little boy, that I could stay sad until we have a second child and live my life as I always have or I could honour the child that touched our lives so deeply and do what I have been thinking about for most of my adult life. Give back to the world everyday and inspiring others to do the same.

There is a saying that some people come into our lives for a short period for a reason. I never met this little baby boy but I loved him and always will. Thank you Kylle for being my inspiration. You may never know this but you are already changing the world one day at time through me. To all the children of the world that inspire us – thank you.

“Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season!”

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